Saturday, 24 March 2012

Arranged Marriages: The Rationalisation Technique

Some of you may remember a post I did last year about the time someone came to the house who was thinking of fixing me up with one of their relatives. Although this technique is a rare one, I labelled it the 'suprise technique'. One that leaves you a little bit blind-sided, especially when you are not even thinking about marriage yourself. Luckily for me, nothing came out of that meeting. Also, no one in my house was aware of the intention of these people when they came to visit us that day.

Since I am of the 'age of consideration', this will probably end up being a series of posts. Not one that will happen on a fixed schedule of course, but if it happens, then I will write about it.

So without further ado, today I bring you a new one: The Rationalisation Technique.

The rationalisation technique happens when you:
a) Don't want an arranged marriage
b) Are not even thinking about marriage yet

In this method of marriage, your parents will try to compromise with you, and it usually involves the word 'but'. Let me give you some examples ...

"I know you said you don't want an arranged marriage but [person] just asked me about you."
"You don't have to get married, but there is no harm in looking."
"I know you said you weren't ready yet but you don't have to get married straight away."
"You said you didn't want an arranged marriage, but there's nothing wrong with just talking to them and then deciding what you think."

And so on and so forth.

It is not uncommon for parents to use the rationalisation technique. This week, I got the first one. Even though I have said I am not thinking about marriage yet, and my family know that I am not ready, when an opportunity to fix you up with someone arises or someone is asking about you they will still do their best to let you know. It's like when a lawyer gets some information and they have to tell their client about it. It is a similar thing here.

By trying to make a compromise you, as the one who will get married, still have the overall power about your marriage but your parents are just trying to give you that gentle nudge. Thankfully with the rationalisation technique, you have the opportunity to persuade your family into your way of thinking and the topic of whoever asked about you will never be raised again.
There is also another fine opportunity to do what your parents want, by talking to whoever or look around, and just say no anyway. Win Win.


Deniz Bevan said...

I hope it works - it'd be great if you could turn the rationalisation technique over on them.

Rachna Chhabria said...

My sympathies are with you, Naina ;)

One can never escape the emotional blackmailing of one's parents. Ultimately we do give in to them.

Naina Gupta said...

Hi Deniz,
The great thing about this technique is that you can come to a compromise that makes the both of you happy. The Rationalisation technique in my house is actually quite a lenient one.

Naina Gupta said...

Hi Rachna,

You do not need to sympathise. I come from a very open and lenient home when it comes to marriage. My parents will never ever emotionally blackmail me or force me into doing what they want. We can have a healthy discussion when the topic comes up, nobody argues, and everybody is happy. :)

Meredith said...

I hope using the rationalization technique back on your parents works for you! It sounds like you and your parents understand each other pretty well, at least. Hope it all works out!

Shallee said...

I think the rationalization technique is used all the time for lots of things, especially in families! I'm glad you can talk with your family, rather than argue about things. That makes things easier for everyone. :)

Raj said...

when i read stuff like this, i realize i am pretty much the luckiest guy alive. :P